Heard this quote at mass yesterday and it really touched me... Thought I would share!
"Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in a love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings, what you will do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.” - attributed to Pedro Arrupe, S.J., from 1965-1983, Superior General of the Society of Jesus (the Jesuits).
italian winery gate
Monday, May 28, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
"I Want To Live"
In 2004, Josh Gracin came out with this song, "I Want To Live", and from the moment I've heard it I've loved it. (on a side note, on the same album he also has a pretty sexy song called "Stay With Me" but that's a whole other story lol)
While sitting at work today, I used my iPhone for musical entertainment and this song came on. The lyrics to this song always get me and speak to me on a level that maybe only those truly closest to me can understand. From those looking from the outside in, yes I'm "living". I go out with my friends, work, travel and have a great time... but there's always part of me that feels... held back? restrained maybe? I have my responsibilities and fears and sometimes i know I don't do or say what I really want, what I really feel... and honestly sometimes i think I've held back for so long I'm not really sure if I know how to express myself and banish those insecurities...
"I Want To Live"
Sometimes I feel like I need
To shake myself
To wake myself
I feel like I'm just sleepwalkin'
Through my life
It's like I'm swimming in
An ocean of emotion
But still somehow slowly
Going numb inside
I don't like who I'm becomin'
I know I've gotta do somethin'
Before my life passes right by
[Chorus:]
I want to cry like the rain
Cry like the rain
Shine like sun on a beautiful mornin'
Sing to the heavens like the church bells ringin'
Fight with the devil and go down swingin'
Fly like a bird, roll like a stone
Love like I ain't afraid to be alone
Take everything that this world has to give
I want to live
Sometimes I wonder
Why I work so hard to guard my heart
Till I hardly feel anything at all
I've spent my whole life building up this ivory tower
And now that I'm in it, I keep wishing it would fall
So I could feel the ground beneath me
Really taste the air I'm breathin'
And know that I'm alive
[Repeat Chorus]
Something deep inside
Keeps saying
Life is like a vapor
Its gone in just a twinklin' of an eye
[Repeat Chorus]
I want to take every
Breath I can get
I want to live
Yeah, yeah
There were times when I was younger when I went through some very dark days, I didn't feel that there was anyone I could talk to about it, i had incredibly low self esteem (thought I doubt those that knew me realized it because i always acted happy) and the thought that I didn't want to live ran very strong. I toyed with the thought of suicide, toyed with a knife at my wrist and for a very long time after that had a very small scar on the inside of my wrist... So why didn't I go through with it? Because deep down there was a little tiny piece of me that did want to live... I found excuses, reasons as to why I shouldn't... What would it do to my parents if they found me dead? What kind of example would that be to my younger cousins? I couldn't do it...
And of course God is always there in the background... he brought people into my life that lifted me up, loved me, and made me feel wanted and needed... not that my friends didn't do that in whatever way they could but at different times in life it feels... different... I'm not sure if I can explain that very well... I just know that as time passed, those dark thoughts faded away. Do those dark moments ever show up now? Sure, sometimes when I'm having a bad day, but I work hard to look at all the good in my life and slowly but surely those moments fade away. I still have days where my self esteem gets the best of me. As I've told some people, I do think I'm cute, maybe even can pull off pretty lol more than that? Beautiful? Usually i shake my head... but well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder right? lol
The one thing I still combat every day is I keep a lot inside... Yes, I can be outspoken and when I've been hurt I'll talk about some of it and to an extent I'm open... but like the song talks about I've spent so much of my life guarding my heart, my dreams, my wants, wishes and desires for fear of being hurt... I've spent a lot of time building up those walls, building up the ivory tower that now i find it so hard to just be... to live, to love... to not be suspicious, to not question every moment, every action or inaction. To just stop thinking and feel! I fear accidentally sabotaging my own happiness, but I'm working on it... And I'm hoping the man that loves me sees that, through it, calls me on it and helps me through it! lol
I don't want to drown in the bad emotions, i don't want to sleepwalk through life, to feel numb... I want everything the chorus of the song says.. I want to shine, to sing, to fly, to love.. to take everything this world has to give... I want to live!
I challenge you that if you are in a dark place in your life... find the reasons to want to live! And if you can't find them on your own, build a support system of those you trust to help you through!
Shine, Sing, Fly & Love,
Nancy
Friday, May 11, 2012
Just be YOU!
Hello friends!
Wow! It's been a busy few weeks!
Today has been a day of great thoughts for me... Had a few revelations (which maybe i'll share some other time) but for now i want to share something that sparked a tangent in me today. LOL
I was texting with someone today and we were talking about sharing thoughts with others. And it was brought up that sometimes they don't like to share their thoughts because they don't want the person they are sharing with to consider them weird or an idiot... This is what I said to that comment:
"My thought is if they can't accept you for who you really are - crazy ideas, insecurities and all (cuz face it we all have those) you don't really need that person in your life"
In short... JUST BE YOU!!
“You are you. Now, isn't that pleasant?”
― Dr. Seuss
I've known many people over the years that i could see how unhappy they were because they were trying so hard to please others whether it be their parents, their significant others or their friends. I'm not going to lie, I struggle with this at times too... but a few things always bring me back to being ok.
The first being that no matter what even if no one else does, God loves me. This is not meant to sound preachy, but it is a part of who I am and what I believe. Sometimes i have a hard time with it, but i look at everything in my life and it's not all coincidence, it's not a fluke. I may not see the big picture or where the road is going but i know everything will work out. (i may grow impatient with it sometimes but again, that's for another day lol)
I am who I am because of everything I've gone through. Every sadness, every heart ache, every injury emotional and physical, scar over and I become stronger and smarter for it. And that goes for you too! I refuse to be ashamed of what I've gone through and I don't regret the decisions i've made in my life... we're meant to grow and evolve not stay stagnate or go back to the past! If you feel you're going in a negative direction, it needs to be dealt with one way or another... talk it out with a friend or a professional. Whatever you need to move forward!
Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you respond to it.—Unknown
And last? The people that truly love you and accept you will always be there and support you! They know that you aren't perfect, that you'll make mistakes, do crazy things when you think you're in love, that you'll say and do things when you're hurting, and sometimes say odd ball things that just don't make any sense to them, but make perfect sense to you, and that you'll have moments that you're not yourself... and at the end of the day they still stand by you. They may look at you a little funny, they may not know how to handle what you're saying and/or they may shake their heads, shrug, give you a hug or a pat on the head and just say ok. But they will still be there, they will be honest with you, help you put the pieces back together if needed, and support you.
“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself-and especially to feel, or not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is.”
― Jim Morrison
Those that call you weird, or an idiot or any other type of name or walk away because they can't look past their own... issues .... those kind of people are not healthy to have around you! And why have those types of people in your life? what a drag!!
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can somehow become great.
Mark Twain
We are meant to fly! To be lifted up by those around us and soar! Who knows what you could achieve?
If you allowed yourself to just be you, how much happier would you be? To not have to live in fear or shame? To not have to feel like you're trying so hard to fit in all the time?
People can pick up on when you're trying too hard... then you feel like even more of an outcast!!
Even if you think people can't handle who you really are... what does that say for your friendship/relationship?
“Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
― Bernard M. Baruch
BE YOU!!!
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.”
― Harvey Fierstein
Do you love yourself?
Are you comfortable in your skin and with who you are?
Do you surround yourself with people who lift you up?
If you answered no to any of these questions... Take a moment, find out why, then turn those negatives to positives!!
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice.
Steven D. Woodhull
Wow! It's been a busy few weeks!
Today has been a day of great thoughts for me... Had a few revelations (which maybe i'll share some other time) but for now i want to share something that sparked a tangent in me today. LOL
I was texting with someone today and we were talking about sharing thoughts with others. And it was brought up that sometimes they don't like to share their thoughts because they don't want the person they are sharing with to consider them weird or an idiot... This is what I said to that comment:
"My thought is if they can't accept you for who you really are - crazy ideas, insecurities and all (cuz face it we all have those) you don't really need that person in your life"
In short... JUST BE YOU!!
“You are you. Now, isn't that pleasant?”
― Dr. Seuss
I've known many people over the years that i could see how unhappy they were because they were trying so hard to please others whether it be their parents, their significant others or their friends. I'm not going to lie, I struggle with this at times too... but a few things always bring me back to being ok.
The first being that no matter what even if no one else does, God loves me. This is not meant to sound preachy, but it is a part of who I am and what I believe. Sometimes i have a hard time with it, but i look at everything in my life and it's not all coincidence, it's not a fluke. I may not see the big picture or where the road is going but i know everything will work out. (i may grow impatient with it sometimes but again, that's for another day lol)
Jeremiah 29:11
New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I am who I am because of everything I've gone through. Every sadness, every heart ache, every injury emotional and physical, scar over and I become stronger and smarter for it. And that goes for you too! I refuse to be ashamed of what I've gone through and I don't regret the decisions i've made in my life... we're meant to grow and evolve not stay stagnate or go back to the past! If you feel you're going in a negative direction, it needs to be dealt with one way or another... talk it out with a friend or a professional. Whatever you need to move forward!
Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you respond to it.—Unknown
And last? The people that truly love you and accept you will always be there and support you! They know that you aren't perfect, that you'll make mistakes, do crazy things when you think you're in love, that you'll say and do things when you're hurting, and sometimes say odd ball things that just don't make any sense to them, but make perfect sense to you, and that you'll have moments that you're not yourself... and at the end of the day they still stand by you. They may look at you a little funny, they may not know how to handle what you're saying and/or they may shake their heads, shrug, give you a hug or a pat on the head and just say ok. But they will still be there, they will be honest with you, help you put the pieces back together if needed, and support you.
“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself-and especially to feel, or not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is.”
― Jim Morrison
Those that call you weird, or an idiot or any other type of name or walk away because they can't look past their own... issues .... those kind of people are not healthy to have around you! And why have those types of people in your life? what a drag!!
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can somehow become great.
Mark Twain
We are meant to fly! To be lifted up by those around us and soar! Who knows what you could achieve?
If you allowed yourself to just be you, how much happier would you be? To not have to live in fear or shame? To not have to feel like you're trying so hard to fit in all the time?
People can pick up on when you're trying too hard... then you feel like even more of an outcast!!
Even if you think people can't handle who you really are... what does that say for your friendship/relationship?
“Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
― Bernard M. Baruch
BE YOU!!!
“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself.”
― Harvey Fierstein
Do you love yourself?
Are you comfortable in your skin and with who you are?
Do you surround yourself with people who lift you up?
If you answered no to any of these questions... Take a moment, find out why, then turn those negatives to positives!!
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice.
Steven D. Woodhull
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